We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
