I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
