By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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