omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
