Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
