She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
