I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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