Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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