Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
