Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
