I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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