your parents love me but you hate me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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