I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
