Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
