also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
