the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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