Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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