if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
