Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She is in my trunk
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
