exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
