Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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