butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
