Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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