I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
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I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
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You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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