There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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