I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
