my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
