i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
