one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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