I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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