I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
