i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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