I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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