Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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