dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
