Umm I'm too high to move.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
