Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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