Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
