I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
