Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They took my balls.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
