You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
