So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
