I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
