lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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