If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
