I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
