The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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