glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
