seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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