Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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