I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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