five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
