Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
