five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
