lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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