True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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