I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
