White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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