She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
