Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
