I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
