And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
