I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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