She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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