Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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