The brown eye won't let me do that either.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
