There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
