wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i've created a new STD.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
