I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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