I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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