Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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