I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
