I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
