She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
