Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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