I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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