I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
