How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
