so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
